35w, 6d

Yesterday was the big ultrasound at Memorial Hospital.  After a less-than-restful weekend, I was extremely nervous to get there.  Of course, there was drama with getting the proper paperwork transferred between hospitals, but I was granted an ultrasound at 2:45pm.

Chris was able to get off of work and a neighbor came to watch Amelia during and after nap.

I nearly threw up on the way there from nerves.

Once there, the tech did an hour-long ultrasound.  Of course, we knew which measurements to look for and once a few came up as "31w" or "32w, 2d", my heart sank.  I knew the baby had some issue and it wasn't just a discrepancy based upon technician prowess.  Baby never woke during the ultrasound and would not show her face! 

The tech estimated her weight to be 4 pounds, 10 ounces - negligible growth since Friday, but she didn't regress at all.  Memorial Hospital and Evans Hospital use different growth charts.  According to Evans (the Army hospital), she was at the 17th% and we will deliver at 10% or below.  According to Memorial Hospital, she is in the 3 or 4% and they deliver at 3%.  The doctor estimated that on Evans' chart, she'd be around 10-11%.  NOT what you want to hear.

After much discussion and more ultrasound, the doctor recommended delivering within the next week and no later.  This immediately put me into shock and I barely remember riding home.  This morning, I have my regularly scheduled non-stress test.  If my blood pressure has risen (and I can't imagine why it would have...haha), they will induce Wednesday or Thursday at 36 weeks.  If my BP is stable enough, they'll let me go a few more days.

Baby was diagnosed with IUGR, intrauterine growth restriction.  It is the asymmetrical type, as her stomach measurement was lower than all other measurements.  She was consistently 3 weeks behind, except her stomach was a full month behind.

The IUGR was caused three-fold in my case: 1) placental breakdown, 2) cord abnormality, and 3) chronic hypertension.  My placenta and cord are not processing 100% of the nutrients to baby and she has adapted to less nutrients.  This doesn't mean she isn't getting any nutrition, just that she is so small because she's used to less.

Thankfully, the doctor suggested no long-term issues for baby.  In the short term, we will have to monitor/deal with respiratory maturity, hypoglycemia, and temperature regulation.  It is too late for steroid shots (thank goodness), as I am past 34 weeks.  It is unknown whether she would need oxygen or a CPAP in the short term.  It will be based upon her scores and early test results.  With the hypoglycemia, it will be a little more difficult to establish nursing and many doctors will push to supplement.  I truly hope this isn't the case, as nursing is dear to my heart, but I am preparing to do what it takes to fatten this peanut up. 

I think the worst is the unknown at this point.  They will study my placenta and cord once she is out to determine other factors they can't see on an ultrasound.  Towards the end, the doctor noted she might have a loose knot in the cord and to not be surprised if that was the case.  He didn't think it had any bearing on this case, just wanted to let me know.

It mostly depends on who the OB on call is this morning and how my pressures are doing.  They have not been stellar on my at-home cuff, so Chris and I are both preparing for a delivery this week.  Thankfully, everything is set up, washed, installed, etc...  We have wonderful neighbors and friends who can take over the Amelia shift until my parents can get here.

Whew.

35 1/2 weeks

At Friday morning's appointment, we passed our non-stress test (baby movement and heart acceleration over time), but my pressures were higher.  Consistently 130s/95 or so.  The nurses let me go with a grumblegrumble since I had an afternoon appointment with the OB.

At the afternoon appointment, my BP was up a little higher (145/106).  I had gained a pound, which they were happy about, but for the 3rd week in a row, my uterus size (aka fundal height) had not increased.  This quite concerned the OB and, it being a Friday afternoon, she quickly left to make some phone calls.  She was able to catch an ultrasound tech in radiology and immediately sent me over for a growth scan.  It being a "stat" order, I wasn't allowed to see the screen in case something was wrong.  I was able to learn Betsy is still a girl and has hair (thank goodness the heartburn has a reason).  Unfortunately, based on measurements, she is about 2-3 weeks behind.  According to the ultrasound, which can be off, she is 4lbs, 6 ounces and in the 17th percentile for growth.  This is worrisome because she was 50th% at 20 weeks and 33% a month ago.  Something is causing her to trend lower and lower on the growth charts.

Radiology sent me up to Labor and Delivery to talk to the OB on shift, since it was now after 4pm on a Friday.  The OB referred me to the big hospital (non-Army) downtown for an HD ultrasound early next week.  They want to try to identify the cause of the slowed growth.  Is it from the placenta not getting her enough nutrients?  Something else?  They didn't want to discuss those types of options with me yet, instead waiting to see more ultrasound results next week. 

Apparently, our new goal is getting to 37 weeks.  I still want to make it to 39 weeks.  My weeks "roll over" every Wednesday.  I am currently 35 weeks, 4 days and quite scared.  If she dips below 10% for growth, they will induce me.  I am afraid of a NICU stay, especially since that would mean being away from Amelia for an extended period or leaving Betsy at the hospital to care for Amelia at home.  Last delivery, my BP spiked and I had to stay for 5 days.

So now, we wait.  Is it placental breakdown due to chronic hypertension?  Is she just a small baby?
They won't put me on any sort of BP medication (beta blocker) because its side effects include lowering baby's weight. 

I am eating, but not sleeping much. 

I will call first thing Monday morning to schedule my ultrasound at Memorial Hospital.  From there, I will have my regularly scheduled non-stress tests on Tuesday and Friday, as well as my 36 week appointment on Wednesday morning.

moon

today, amelia saw the half-moon in the daylight and said "moon, broken."

jun29

1.85 miles in 42 min

visited rossine's
petting zoo in g'town
mark and maria's
cameron's
trader joe's grand opening
whole foods

the new "journey"

i hate people who are into fitness, snooty people who run, fat people who don't.  there are a million different reasons or excuses for not being interested in being healthy - but mainly, i am afraid that i won't "take" to it like everyone else seems to have. 

1. i don't like most vegetables but i can drink homemade smoothies that have them in it.  
2. i don't like to run and can't swim, but can power walk/yoga/zumba/tread water til the cows come home.  
3. i don't like candy.  
4. i have a toddler that stays in bed when she's supposed to and has a regular nap and bedtime.
5. my parents have a treadmill in the basement that faces a tv.

so tonight, i decided to start my cliched "journey" to being more healthy.  i loathe everything about that sentence.  ugh.  so smug.  but i'm getting over myself.  i threw myself a pity party since we found out in December that chris was getting deployed again.  most of my weight gain is from stress, lack of sleep, and poor eating habits due to single parenting. 

thanks to my temporary move to kentucky, my stress level is beginning to lower, i'm able to sleep more, and my mom cooks/has a plan most nights for dinner. 

so instead of a plan plan, i am just going to go with what works for now.  i enjoy watching west wing and sex and the city episodes.  one west wing is 42 minutes, two SATCs are about that long.  so either during nap or once she goes to bed, i will walk on the treadmill.  i have a number in mind - but not publishing it.  it'd make it too real.

ha.  this song just came on my itunes shuffle
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/teitur/rougharoundtheedges.html

Little little seeds grew into troubled trees
A sorry sorry sight between my ears.
I need to settle down and eat my troubled fruit
The sweetness of the taste will do me good.

anyway.  so tonight's specs:

42 mins
1.75 miles

22.13 mi/hr

how the in WORLD do people do an 8 minute mile?  holy cow...

may day.

amelia is obsessed with "Mary Poppins" and we must listen to the soundtrack during every trip in the car.  today, amelia and i made kites.  i cut out the pieces and she helped by coloring and "taping" the tail on.  when we were finished and i put the song on, i thought she was going to burst she was so excited.  i hung the kites in our entryway, so she can see them while playing or eating.

we also made pumpkin muffins today.  we've been making banana ones, but i was in the mood for fall.  i cannot wait for fall, normally, but this year i am especially looking forward to fall.  like seriously, bring it on.  anyhow, amelia is quite the little helper in the kitchen.  she sits up on the counter and helps pour ingredients into the mixer and is an accomplished taste tester.  today, she tasted flour, sugar, and pumpkin.  i hope i am beginning to sow the seeds for a love of baking in my little munchkin.

lately, she has become a handful around 4pm each day.  it's like she turns into a different kid.  she's had a snack, is well rested, and isn't being ignored.  today, she ran into the street twice, then threw her rice all over at dinner, then sat in a not-for-toddlers baby chair.  i'm really struggling with the street thing because i know she doesn't understand danger yet.  i shall do some research on the matter, but i'm not sure there's much i can do beyond explaining to her over and over again.

as it stands she gets two chances of running in the street before we go inside as punishment.  she knows to hold my hand and can repeat back - hand, dangerous, car, street, no-no - each time we talk about it.  sigh.  toddlerhood.

so glad it's a new month.  one month down and bring on christmas!

waiting to exhale.

"[Army wives] are called the silent ranks but it’s never said why we are silent. I’m here to tell you it’s because we are waiting. We are holding our breath. It’s easy to be silent when you’re afraid to exhale."

--From this website.

This quote is so true.  I have a new "symptom" of deployment this time, nighttime hallucinations.  It is hard to fall asleep and, most nights, I end up hallucinating that there is someone at the door or there are people in my room.  It's pretty frightening and is severely cutting into my sleep time. 

I think this is partly caused because Chris' missions this time are more dangerous than those from his time in Iraq.  I'm the type of person that wants to know things, so he tells me about them and I read a lot of information and articles.  Lately, my dreams have involved C.J. Cregg (a character from the West Wing).  She talks to me, but I can't ever hear what she's saying.  Last night, I thought she was next to my alarm clock and I reached out for her.  I was still awake, but delirious, I think.

I also always think "those" guys are at my house to tell me Chris is dead.  Every night for 4 straight nights, I've gotten up to check the front door.  It seems like the people who are dying over there just get their lives taken in an instant, without circumstance or regard.  And I DON'T want that to be me.

I hope this goes away once I am settled in Kentucky.  A change of scenery will be so, so, so nice and I'll have more to look forward to than quiet days - or as quiet as they can be with a toddler.